Emotional Resilience

I have been reading a lot about resilience lately, specifically how to raise kids who have emotional resilience. Over the past few years, I have encountered way too many parents and students flipping out over one bad grade and wanting to drop out of a class or spewing their negativity at me because they "can't handle the truth!" (I couldn't resist). This leads me to think there is a lack of resilience within our society. Maybe it's because we are all about building up self-esteem in ways that don't relate to reality. You know, giving out ribbons to kids for showing up to a sporting event. It doesn't matter if you win; you still get a prize for trying. Since I am a teacher, the one I get quite often is thinking you deserve an A because you put in some effort. It doesn't matter if you actually followed what was expected; you tried so therefore, you deserve the highest praise.

But what about when something doesn't go your way? Do we really want kids to learn they should give up after the first disappointment? Obviously not. So, then we must teach them differently and I believe it is the responsibility of parents, guardians, family members, coaches, and teachers of all kinds to help children learn this valuable skill. (And that means we, as adults, have to possess it, too.)

An article found in The New York Times titled "The Stories that Bind Us" by Bruce Feiler brings up an interesting idea about resilience. Storytelling, connections to our family's past, and creating a family identity are ways to help children learn how to deal with the future. Feiler writes: "Decades of research have shown that most happy families communicate effectively. But talking doesn't mean simply "talking through problems," as important as that is. Talking also means telling a positive story about yourselves. When faced with a challenge, happy families, like happy people, just add a new chapter to their life story that shows them overcoming the hardship. This skill is particularly important for children, whose identity tends to get locked in during adolescence."

And, it works for other groups as well. The military has recognized the effectiveness as have companies. Building a sense of community, an identity, brings people together and helps them build a positive future. Maybe this is just the place to start.